Chapter 4: Hello

I forced a smile at him and he smiled back.

I woke up and fluttered my eyes. I sat right up, stretched my arms and yawned. I realised I fell asleep in front of the television. Must be the lack of Argentina matches.

I looked to my right and saw my sister, Amy, on the couch."It's 6, go have your dinner. It's on the dining table," Amy said without looking at me but instead focusing her eyes on the television broadcasting Desperate Housewives. Yes, she does not like football.

I went to the dining table and lifted the food cover. Amy ordered pizza, again. My parents went for a 5 day trip to Arizona to see the Grand Canyon. It is their anniversary. It's the 3rd day, and Amy and I have been having pizza for dinner ever since. Very unhealthy. I sighed and took the pizza box along with me up the stairs and to my room.

I closed the door. I jumped onto my bed and opened up the pizza box and starting munching on the famous chicken, pineapple, tomato sauce and cheese- Aloha chicken. When I finished, I went to my book cupboard to find my reference books.

Suddenly a bright orange book caught my eye. I took it out and gazed at the turquoise and green spirals on the bright orange book. I opened it and saw some wording at the side,

To our wonderful daughter Amy,
We might not be here to listen to your problems, but this journal will help you.
Love,Daddy and Mummy 2009

I smiled and decided to start since I haven't used this book for a year. I took my favourite blue pen and began writing on the orange lines.

Dear journal,
Well, I guess I have to start by talking about myself right? So here I go:

Name: Alice Hope

Age: 16

Birthday: 5th August

Eyes: Caramel brown

Hair: Light brown

Current city: Fort Smith, Arkansas

Family members: Dad- Edwin Hope, Mom- Brenda Hope, Big sister- Amy Hope.

Ambition: Musician- electric guitarist

Current crush: Kevin Wayne

I stared at his name. When will I ever get over him? He is just so, I have to admit, ridiculously hot. I looked at my phone and decided to call Kevin. I wanted to settle everything once and for all. I pressed the number one on my phone and it dialed Kevin's number. Yes, I have him on speed dail.

I heard his 'Lucky to be in love with my best friend' by Cobbie Calliat and Jason Mraz. He still hasn't changed it since we were together.
"Hello? Uhm Alice?" He gulped.
"Hey, can you meet me at the Fier park at 7:30? We really need to talk."
"Sure, I won't be late. I will go now."
"Okay, I'm going now too. Thanks, see you."

I quickly changed out of the clothes I wore for school into a beige three quater pants and slipped into a lilac T-shirt.
"Hey sis, I'm going to the park alright?" I informed my sister.
"Sure, just be back early!"
"Bye!"
I locked the door, slipped the keys and my phone into my pocket and off I went.

But, will it solve anything? Or will I be left even more heartbroken then before? I miss Kevin so much. I just need to at least end it in a good way and not regret anything.

I was at the park and looked around. Kevin's not here yet. I looked around and saw three little children playing the skipping rope. I saw smiles on their faces, except one. She was holding the rope and had a frown. I guess she's jealous. I can see her glare at the other two children-one girl and one boy. Now I understand.

I understand little girl, I understand.

I went to the railings of the park which separates the park and the housing estates from a lake. I leaned my body onto the railing and closed my eyes. Why must we be heartbroken? Why can't we live in a world full of love and no such thing as hate?

I felt something beside me. It feels warm. The thing then leans on the railings beside me.
"Hello." the person whispers into my ear. I knew it was Kevin. I flung opened my eyes keeping my gaze to the lake.
"You came."
"Sure I did, we are still friends right? If you still consider me your friend."
I maintained my silence.
"You know I never want to hurt you. I would not have a smile on my face during the summer. It's just that, It's just that, I.."
"You love Macy more than me?" I interrupted.
He stares at me in disbelief. I gazed into his deep green eyes. I waited for his answer.

He gulped and said, "I'm sorry. I just love you as a friend."
I forced a smile at him and he smiled back. He leaned in and touched his lips on my cheek. He then whispered in my ear, "Thanks for understanding." He wrapped his arms around me.

Come on Alice, stand up for yourself. Don't let him manipulate you anymore.
"Kevin." I whispered in his ear as his head was on my shoulder.
"Uh-huh?"
"I just want to be clear, when we met before the summer, did you love me?"
He unwrapped his arms me and pulled back.
"I did. I really did."
"So, what happened?"
"You know I want to install my reputation back and the only way is through Macy. Please understand Alice."
"So, popularity is more important?"
"Well, popularity equals more friends so yes."
"I'm I'm sorry, I thank you for the wonderful times we had, but, I don't want someone who cares about me over popularity."

I stepped back but still locking my eyes on him before I turned around and ran. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me. The railings and the lake flashed past me as tears began to flow from my eyes.

I turned to the next corner. I stopped as I did not hear his footsteps. I sat down and buried my head into my hands which rested on my knees. I cried. I cried as it something hurt me real bad that I could not take it.

Is popularity what you want? Is that the reason you have friends or more importantly-a girlfriend? Why did I let him fool me? Why must he tear my heart? Must he tell me that he loves Macy more than me?

I screamed.

My emotions just poured out in that scream. I want it to come out even more. I banged my clenched fist on the floor and screamed all the more. I don't care if I am going to go through my depression phase again. I want Kevin to know what he has done to me. How he broke my heart.

I lied down there. I know Kevin doesn't care. I know Macy would love it. I know my sister would not care.

"Are you okay?" an unknown voice said. I could not see who it was as my hair covered my face. It sounded soft, waiting to comfort me and like a teenager.

The stranger then pushed my hair back and lifted me up to sit on the ground instead of lying there. The stranger stroked my hair and neatened it up.

"Are you okay? I want to help," the stranger repeats.

I wiped of the tears of my eyes and opened them. I saw a teenager. I examined his features- hazel piercing eyes, brunette and a little spiked up hair into a mo-hawk. He was wearing a sleeveless white shirt which showed of his guns.

"I, I just need my depression pills," I said as I hid my face into my arms again.

Go away, I don't want to be hurt again.

"Well, if that's the case, I can at least walk you home right? I have a mother with depression, I understand." He explained.

I lifted my buried face to him and smiled. He gave me a warm smile which made me feel guilty for judging him for what Kevin did. He stood up and reached out his hand to me- just like Kevin did last time. I smiled and stood up on my own.

"Thank you for your help," I thanked.
"My pleasure, where is your house then?" He said with a warm smile.
"It's in the next two streets from here,"
"I see, what is your name then?"
"Alice, Alice Hope,"
"Wow, that's such a powerful yet sweet name!"
"Thanks. What about yours?"
"I'm Matthew, Matthew Jones."

He smiled and reached out his hand to me for my to shake. I reached it out to his and said, "Hello, nice to meet you."

Chapter 3: I'm not that fine myself too

"I know you are hurt but she just makes me so happy.I wish I could be around her every minute of my life."

I waited outside the school compound for Kevin to come around and like before the summer break-we walked home together. Without fail, I always waited at our school sign which says 'Valley High School' for Kevin every weekday after school. Well, now he usually walks out of school with the jocks and cheerleaders and his arms around Macy.

I raised my arm to look at my watch- it's 3:40. Kevin is 10 minutes late. Alice, stop worrying, he will come out if he said he will. Suddenly a light bulb popped from my head and lit up. I sat down on the grass, leaning on my school sign, I pulled out my file from my bag. I took out the card that I made for Kevin which I did not manage to give him. As on that day I was about to give it to him, he was with Macy.

I looked at the card that I made. It was all our photos in front card with him and I in every photo. My favourite has and always will be the middle picture which I framed with corrugated card and tracing paper. It was a photo of us jumping under the sunlight.

I opened the inside of the peach coloured card and read what I have written,

Dear Kevin,

Thank you for being an AWESOME friend towards me. I wrote this letter to tell you that no matter what happens, I will be by your side. Even when you just lost everybody, I am here for you.

Don't worry Kevin! You have the power to choose to stay strong or to give it all up. And I am here to help you with that.

With love,

Alice xx

A tear dripped onto the card where the word power was. I rubbed off the tear from my eyes and read the sentence again 'You have the power to choose to stay strong or to give it all up'.

I smiled as I read that sentence. Even as hard as it is to get over Kevin, I have the power to stay strong or give it all up. I looked at my watch at it showed 3:47. I knew Kevin would have forgotten because he would always come at 3:35. Sharp.

I slipped the card back into the file and the file into my bag. I jumped up and started my journey home. Yes, I walk to and from school. Besides, I don't want to miss the Argentina and Germany game repeat at 4! I want to see Lionel Messi score his first goal at the Fifa World cup!

I have to admit that I want someone out there to love me for who I am, whether it is Lionel Messi, Thomas Muller or Kevin, I just want someone who will be there for me.

As I walked pass the Fier park, memories flashed through my mind about that kiss again. The reason- there was a couple on the lawn kissing. It's my sister and her boyfriend. She gets all the guys. This is like her 1000th kiss and my kiss with Kevin is the one and only one I had.

Suddenly, her boyfriend opened his eyes and stared at me. My sister, Amy, then pulled herself back from her boyfriend, turned around and looked at me.

"Excuse me," she said with that scarcastic tone of hers when she realised I was watching her.

"Sorry sis, I had memories flashing in my head when I saw you making out with your boyfriend."

Amy lifted one of her eyebrows and flashed me that please-go-away look. I nodded and left.

I threw myself on the couch and switched on the television. Just then it was the goal that Argentina scored which was offside. Don't you feel the same way too? When you worked so hard through the defenders, dribbling, tackling and striking and in the end-nothing.

My eyes widened as I watched Gonzalo Hugain shouting in anger and throwing the ball unto the ground. Wow. I feel the exact same way. I feel like screaming at my sister which shows no sympathy for what I am going through and Kevin for breaking my heart real bad.

After all that dribbling and tackling-all the tough times we went through. After striking the goal-striking the kiss. Thinking that we are assured of scoring a success in our lives, it's offside. It was not a real success-it was not a real kiss.

I changed the channel to the highlights of the Fifa World Cup 2010 match. I watched and watched as I saw matches from Spain with Paraguay, USA with Ghana and and Argentina match with Mexico. My eyes were glued onto the television.

A goal for Argentina against Mexico! It's nice to see something achieved right? But it will-most of the time-let us down. I have to move pass Kevin whether I like it or not. He is just like that offside goal. Now, I have to work on an onside goal.

Suddenly the snapping of fingers sounded from Michael Jackson's Man in the Mirror on my phone. I picked it up. It was a call from Kevin.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Hey Alice! Where are you now? I have been waiting for you at the school sign since 3:50. Are you coming?"

Wow. 3:50. 20 minutes late.

"Alice?" he asked again.

"Sorry, I left at 3:47. You usually come at 3:35. Sharp."

"I know Alice, you know. I was caught up with Macy. Please understand Alice."

I kept quiet.

"Alice. I know you are hurt but she just makes me so happy. I wish I could be around her every minute of my life. You want me to be happy right?"

We were silent.

"Kevin"

"Alice?"

"I.. ju..st. I just want.."

"Yes?"

"I just want to let you know that you don't have to hurt others to be happy."

I hung up the phone.

Moral of today: Don't let offside goals fool you. Even if they do, try again to score and onside goal.

Chapter 2: I remember

"I love you".

As I stepped into the biology lab, Kevin waved at me and signaled his hand on the empty seat beside him asking me to come over. I forced a smile and nodded my head, stepping over to the seat. As I adjusted myself on the seat, Kevin straight away asked me, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I replied, although it really is something.

"Come on, you don't think I know you after a month? Something is up in your mind, tell me." Kevin urged me as a sheepish smile came on his face.

"It's just what happened at English class, that's all."

"Ohh, what happened actually?"

"Uhh, I wasn't paying attention so she got mad. You know Mrs. Mila, pregnant mood swings,"

"You sure it is not about me?" Kevin reassuring again.

"Okay class, today we will start off with the long awaited topic, hormones," Professer Bern said as he stepped in.

The whole class, especially the boys smiled and high-fived each other.

***

As the bell rang, I quickly gathered my books and walked straight out because I know Kevin will pasture me whether I am ok with him being with Macy. I took large steps across the hallway to my locker and quickly shove my books in my locker. Oh my gosh,I could still hear Kevin's footsteps.Think, Alice, think, where can I hide where he cannot find me?

"Alice! Hold on! I need to talk to you!" I heard Kevin shouting across the hallway.

I pretended not to hear what he said and walked across the corner and ran. I turn to my left and saw the girl's bathroom with the black doll in that triangle dress. Bingo. I immediately budge into the bathroom, into where the toilet bowl is located and locked the door.

I stood there for a couple of seconds before I realise tears flowed from my eyes.

I just couldn't bear the pain and the thought of Kevin another second. It has just gone by all in a flash- the times when we laid on the lawn during summer and laughed and played like we were the only two human beings in the world. I remember we could just sit under the tree at the Fier park which is around his and my house and talk for hours-literally-hours. We would just pour out our feelings onto each other, not only as friends but as, partners.

The memory that I remembered the most of him was when we were at the Fier park last summer. We were sitting on the grass and Kevin was telling about how his father had passed away and had to spend more time to get a part-time job to somewhat fufill part of his father's duty which left him no time for friends. His friends, best friends and girlfriends left him. Yes, girlfriends not girlfriend, left him.

I understood his situation as I know what it's like to be misunderstood and rejected, especially by your friends. I want to be a musician but my parents want me to be a doctor. Like seriously, that is not my passion and they would never accept it. Kevin shed a tear as he talked about his father and the consequences which made me cry too. You know the when-you-cry-you-also-make-me-cry-too thing.

Kevin was sitting face to face with me. He then moved closer to my face and gently wiped off my tears with his thumb with a little smile on his face. I smiled and he came closer and closer. His nose touched mine and his eyelids close his precious green eyes. Before I knew it, his pinkish-reddish lips touched mine. He kissed me. He then took his arm and hold my waist, making sure I wouldn't let go.

I felt so secure. Like he would never leave me. As we both pulled back, I saw such a wide smile across his face. His smile revealed his dimple on his left cheek which has a mole on it. He then stood up and reached his arm for me to hold onto so I could get up. When we both stood up, I remember seeing the sunlight touch his blond hair and smile.

He came up close to me and whispered in my ear, "I love you."

But now, tears are flowing and he is not here to wipe them off. Not here to lock his lips with mine. Not to hold my waist and make me feel everything is alright. Not here to reach out his arm to help me get up from this situation. Not here to say that he loves me.

"Alice?"

I immediately woke up from my day-dreaming and thought I heard someone call my name.

"Alice?" the voice repeated again. This time, it sounded familiar.

"Uhhmm, yes? She's here." I replied.

"Oh, Alice, Kayla here, Kevin asked me to check if you are here. He wants to talk to you."

Oh no. I cannot say no. Kayla wants me to stand up for myself, which is good, but I can't. Alice, just piece yourself together, go out there and show Kevin that he is just a friend in my life. He really is.

"Alice!?"

"Oh right! Sorry!" I replied, unlocking my toilet door. I headed to the basin and washed up my hands and splashed water onto my face. Took tissue paper to wipe off the water and turned to Kayla.

She looked at me and said, "Nice jacket! Where you get it from?"

Phew, for a second there I thought she was about to tell me off. I looked at my teal coloured jacket and replied with a smile, "Thanks! I got it from JC Penny."

"I see, well, Kevin is waiting for you, sorry for buying your time," Kayla chuckled.

"Nahh, you didn't," I reassured her as I opened the girl's bathroom door and I saw Kevin leaning against the wall beside the girl's bathroom door with his hands tucked into his jeans.

"Hey Alice," Kevin said with that comforting voice I remembered when he told me he 'loved' me.

"Hi Kevin," I replied.

"Can you meet me in the Fier park? It's been a long time since we have been there well, together,"

"Sure, do you want me to wait for you outside school before we head off?"

"Yeah sure,"

There was that awkward silence between us.

He sighed and shifted his body towards me so that he leans on his shoulders. He looks at me with those eyes and leans in. I know 1% of him wants to kiss me but the other 99% wants to run off with Macy instead.

"Kevin," I just had to say it to break our silence and stop him from leaning to me.

"Yes?"

"I.."

"You?"

"I.. miss.."

"You miss?"

"Uhhmm,"

Just say it Alice, SAY IT.

"I miss the Argentina and Germany match yesterday, want to watch it at my house after the park? I heard that the 4-0 fight is a good match fought," I am interested in football okay but for a second there I wanted to really tell him I miss him.

"Haha, okay, but only for a while. I have my part-time job at 6," He chuckled but I could see there was a disappointment in his eyes.

Alice, snap out of it, he loves Macy.