But, what if he, what if he leaves me? I don't want to be hurt again.
"Why? Why must you hurt me so bad? Is it for the FUN of it?"
There I was in the midst of darkness. I felt like I was in a black hole being sucked in deeper and deeper. I was screaming to the light.
"HELP ME!"
I sat right up. It was a nightmare.
It has been two days since I haven't talked to Kevin. Every time I see him I feel like screaming at him. The worse part is that he doesn't notice how hurt I am. I see him always smiling with his arms around Macy and his friends giving him a thumbs up.
I turn to my left to look at my alarm clock. It's 7:50! Wait, I pressed the light button on my clock to have a better look in the dark, yes it's an analog clock. It's not digital with those bright red lights. Oh my gosh. It's 7:51! I lifted the blanket off of me and jumped out of bed. I rushed to the toilet and quickly brushed my teeth and washed my face.
Hold on a minute. Why isn't Amy waking up? I went to her room and opened the door to find out she was still sleeping!
"Wake up Amy! Wake up!" I said to Amy pushing her.
"Whhaa..t?" She said.
"It's 7:50! We have school!"
"Oh my goooosssh! Amy, it's Saturday! Get lost."
Oops.
"Sorry Amy!"
"Yeahh, just get lost," she said as she pulled her blanket over her head.
Well, I'm already ready and I can't go back to sleep again after that nightmare. I decided to go jogging. I changed into my my sports attire and slipped into my trainers.
Today's misty because of the heavy rain the night before. Hopefully I won't meet Kevin again. I started jogging around my neighbourhood. Blocks after blocks, streets after street. I suddenly saw a guy jogging with his earphones jogging towards me. He looked familiar.
The guy looked up and his eyes brightened and waved at me. I still did not know who he was so I just waved and smiled. He then ran to me. When he was closing in, he kept his earphones in his pocket and walked to me.
"Hey!" He smiled and said with enthusiasm.
"Oh! Hey Matthew!" I said when I realised who he was.
"Jogging?"
"I thought there was school today so I woke up early and it turns out to be Saturday"
"Sleep back again?" He chuckled.
"When I have bad dreams, I cannot sleep back again"
"I see, what was the nightmare about?"
"Uhh, you don't want to know"
"Come on Alice! You are so secretive. I won't exploit your secrets. You won't even tell me what happened to you last two days ago." he raised his voice.
I kept silent and looked down.
I guess I haven't told anybody. I don't want people to know and think I have issues. I don't want people to judge me. I don't want to get people's harsh opinions. I guess I don't trust people.
I felt a sudden hand on my shoulder. I chose not to respond to it.
He then lifted my chin up with his other hand to meet his eyes. His pupils dilated into mine. I could see it as the sun was already rising which shined on his eyes. I gulped.
"Sorry. I just have not learn to trust people yet." I said.
He let go of my chin and lifted his hand of my shoulder and stuffed his hands in his pocket.He looked down and said, "I'm sorry for raising my voice. I should not have forced you to tell me something. Too many secrets have been kept from me and I feel powerless. More like anoutcast."
I took his hand and sandwiched it between my hand and said, "I do too. I understand."
He scratched his neck with his other arm.
"This is a little awkward. I'm sorry," He smiled.
"It's okay, it just shows that both of us are having problems." I let go of his hand.
He pulled out his iPhone and unplugged his earphone cables and stuff them back into his pocket.
"It's 8:45, I have to go now."
"Me too, so I will see you soon?"
"Sure, bye!" He looked at me with a smile and waved.
"Bye!" I turned around to head back home.
"Wait Alice!"
"Yes?"
"I guess I have a lot of hardships that I want to let go of and I believe you need too so do you want to meet up sometime?"
Oh my gosh. He asked me out.
"Sure, when are you free?"
"How about dinner? My treat."
"Ohh, wow, dinner's great."
"So, can I get your number? I'll call you when I have arranged everything."
He passed me his iPhone . I typed the numbers while trying to contain my emotions. I passed him back his phone when I was done.
"Thanks, I will see soon!"
"Bye!"
***
Oh my gosh. He asked me out. Oh my gosh. But, what if he, what if he leaves me? I don't want to be hurt again. I will just trust him just this while as a friend. I hope.
My phone rang, it is an unknown number, must be Matthew.
"Hey Matthew!"
"How did you know it was me?"
"I did not know your number that's why."
"Aww man, I wanted to prank call you."
"Haha, so plans for tonight?"
"Oh yeah! 7:30 fine with you?"
"Sure, where?"
"I'll pick you up. It's a surprise."
"ALICE!" My sister screamed from the living hall.
"Okay, I have to go now, my sister's calling me."
"WHAT?" I screamed back at my sister.
"Get ready, mum and dad are coming back before dinner."
Oh no.
"ALICE?!"
"Yes, yes! Thank you!"
I quickly called Matthew back. Hopefully he'll understand.
"Matthew?"
"So can you make it?"
"Uhh, I'm so sorry Matthew but I can't make it as my parents are coming back from their anniversary in Grand Canyon. I have to have my dinner with them. Sorry Matthew. I really want to go out"
"Alice"
"Yes?"
"Chill"
"Okay, thank you"
"It's fine, can I shift the booking to tomorrow then?"
"Parents won't allow on Sunday dinners"
"Sunday lunch?"
"You don't seem to give up do you?"
"Please?"
"I need to ask my parents. I will call you if I can okay?"
"Okay, thanks Alice"
"Thank you too."
Phew, does he really like me? I smiled as I viewed his name in my phone number.
***
"How are my two girls?" my mom asked as she hugged Amy and me.
"Terrible," Amy replied.
"Fine," I said.
"Have you been studying?" my dad asked Amy, who has just started her foundation, and me.
"Dad, can you understand I don't want to take over your business."
"Why not? Is it about you wanting to become a guitarist again?"
"Dad! Why don't you just let me be who I want to be?"
"Look at Amy, she is now studying psychology."
My parents put their priority as education. Why can't I have that freedom of being who I want to be? I just kept quite as I don't want to spoil the occasion. Amy's always the 'best', 'prettiest' and 'first'. Period. When they tell people about how are we they will say Amy has started her uni with a scholarship given to only a few people in the country and is going to head to Yale university soon after she has completed her foundation. Yes, they don't tell anything about me. Even if they did, it is just a 7 word phrase- Alice is planning to be a guitarist.
"Alice, you have got to choose something good for your future. Guitarists don't get high pay,"
"They do dad. Please, don't interfere with who I want to be, I will get a part time job and I will pay for my guitar lessons if it is so burdensome for you to pay for my guitar lessons," I said ending our conversation. I don't want the whole airport to look at us arguing.
***
"ALICE!" My sister called.
"What?"
"Someone's at the door for you!"
"Be right there!"
Wonder who would it be on a Sunday afternoon where everybody is busy catching up with their friends. I jumped down the stairs and recognized the person immediately. It was Matt.
"Hey, Alice!" He said with a smile.
"Hi Matt, what are you doing here?"
"What happened to Kevin, Alice?" Amy suddenly interrupted our conversation.
"Tell you about it later Amy,"
"Who's Kevin?"
"Oh, it was her first one and only boyfriend who dumped her and she still can't get over him." Amy explained. Oh no.
"Amy!"
"What? Alice. He's your new boyfriend right?"
"Amy, I'll talk to you later. Let's go Matthew," I said as I walked out of the house.
Why must Amy be so..so.. mean? She knows that I still have feelings for Kevin. She knows I am trying to get over him. Why must she go around telling people that? I don't even call her my sister. I call her Amy. It's so hard to be around her. I wish she would understand my feelings and realize that I have feelings too.
"What was that about?" Matthew suddenly asked. I guess I was in my dream world too long.
"Oh, well, it's nothing"
Matthew gave me that I-know-its-something look
"Fine!"
"No, I mean what was that about me as your boyfriend?"
"Oh,"
"Don't tell me it's nothing,"
I suddenly heard laughs and a boy with a girl chuckling together. It sounds familiar. Too familiar. The couple turned from a corner and walked to our street. The boy had his arms around the girl and they were both full of smiles and laughter. They walked closer and closer to us but did not realize it as they were so into each other.
"What about them?" Matthew broke the silence as he notices I was looking at them.
"They just look very, very familiar," I said softly.
I noticed the boy had green eyes. Those precious green eyes. When the boy smiled, it revealed his dimple on his left cheek which has a mole on it. He was a blonde. I suddenly realized it was Kevin. The girl he has his arms around is Macy.
They both finally stopped laughing and walking. They stopped in the middle of the road. Kevin reached his hand over her face and pulled it to touch his lips. Oh my gosh. They kissed in front of me.
A car suddenly arrives in front of them and honks them. They both laugh and move to the side while Kevin lifted his arm to say sorry to the driver. As he turned to face Macy, he finally stops and notices me. He smiles his friendly smile which then turned into a cunning smile and heads over to Macy. He says something to Macy still keeping that cunning smile and she turns and faces me.
They both came closer to Matthew and I.
"Who is he?" Macy asked with a smile.
"My friend,"
"So, you finally moved on?"
"Nahh, she hasn't, watch." Kevin says as he pulls me with his arms and kisses me.
Oh no. I kept my lips tight making sure I did not kiss back. I finally managed to push Kevin away and he let go of me.
"Not bad, but just a teeny weeny bit of you gave in and I know you want to." He said sheepishly.
"Stop it Kevin. Since when did you turn from my friend to an enemy?"
"You mean your boyfriend?" He said with a smile.
"Can you please explain to me what's going on, Alice with you and this Kevin guy?" Matthew demanded. His eyes showed he had enough.
I had enough too. It's time to move on, seriously.
